How to Polish a Turd

Here is one of my latest adventures that I felt compelled to share with all the CC Garage readers. This all started sometime in the middle of the night. I was board and browsing online, which is usually a bad combination. I finally end up on a "Popular" car magazines web site. As I'm perusing through it's forums, I run across a contest that their having. This was just not any contest either. This magazine was looking for the best project car, and the winner will end up on the front cover of their mag. A frickin project car on the front cover? Holy crap! An idea was beginning to form in my head, and given how crowded things are up there, that's not an easy task.

There was just one small problem. The post was like four months old and the contest deadline was... yeah, you guessed it, three days away! Could it be done? Could I photograph my old Cutlass, Number 1, burn it's images on a disc, print some photos, and then get the whole package mailed in time? Boy did I smell a challenge, or maybe that was just the aftermath of my dinner. Time was a wasting and I had a bunch of work to do, but my gut feeling was that they didn't want a real project car; they wanted a pretend one. Right now some readers might be wondering what the heck a "pretend project" car is...

Let me tell you my version.

Once upon a time, I entered a '67 Pontiac I had in a car show, in the "project" category. It was a legit project car, but still looked half-way decent. A certain Chevelle was also entered in the same category, and I remember thinking there must have been a mistake because the car had a bitchin paint job, killer rims, and a custom interior, just like 99% of all the other cars there. I was wondering how in the world this car could be considered a "project". Then, as I watched the driver after he had parked, I discovered exactly how.

The Chevelle's driver must have known that he didn't stand a snowballs chance in hell in any of the other categories, so he decided to enter in one where he was sure to win. I watched as he carefully removed the driver and passenger door panels and hid them in the trunk. With the door panels missing, the Chevelle was now considered a "project car". I couldn't believe it! Talk about puttin the fix in, this guy totally stacked the deck in his favor. Well it worked, and he ended up winning the project car category. I guess some people will do anything to get a trophy.

I'm going with the theory that the magazine is looking for a real project car, and I am going to give it my best shot, no pun intended. To make things a little more interesting, the magazine also wanted pictures of your garage, or your car in front of the garage. Now that gave me an idea...

Skip back to paragraph one. Yup, that's the idea I'm talking about. I figured just about everyone was going to send in individual photos, so I decided on a combination photo. This is one that would include almost everything in one shot. Basically, I had to create my own photo shoot featuring none other then Number 1 as the star! Man, did I have my work cut out for me. In case you haven't noticed, Number 1 isn't exactly photogenic. Special effects anyone?

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Here is Number 1 in all it's glory.

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As of this writing the jury is still out on who won the contest. Let's just say I'm not going to hold my breath. Now I'm the one who doesn't stand a snowballs chance in hell...